Five More Minutes

Christmas Tradition O' Fail

2011-12-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I chugged two energy drinks, two cups of coffee and a coke and headed out to Seattle with the kids in tow, because WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A FUN CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

First stop was Starbucks for some hot chocolate, than off to the carousel. Last time we rode a carousel, Roman cried and hated every second of it. This time, he grinned the whole time and took in the whole magical experience like a two year old on Christmas.

We wandered for a bit downtown, trying to find a horse-drawn carriage to ride, finally found one.. and while the kids were excited to get on, they were disappointed to find out the horse clops along at 1mph. Cue the screams. "WHY ISN'T IT GOING FASTER? I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE FUN!" I hushed them and told them that it was about the EXPERIENCE and they were supposed to be looking at the lights and decorations.. but I think they had a more wild west experience in mind.

Dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, where they serve ginormous kids meals. We could have easily ordered one meal for the three of them, and had plenty of left overs. Of course the kids were loud and rambunctious and generally a pain the whole time, which is exactly what I get for thinking I could get them to behave in public. Luckily the restaurant was super loud, I don't think the table next to us could even hear them. Otherwise, I'd have had to leave before our food ever came. :/

I plan to make this trip a Christmas tradition, but next time.. I think I'll take my hot chocolate spiked.

This doesn't even deserve a title.

2011-12-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

Today I was really brave.

I took all three kids to Target. Shortly before Christmas. After 5pm. I know, I'm surprised I lived too. (Pro tip: snow boots are 40% off til Saturday at noon. So are pajamas. I managed to sneak in two matching Nick & Nora pj sets for Christmas Eve without them seeing - and only paid 10 bucks each. Nice, right?)

Leah almost didn't, though. Apparently I've raised one of THOSE kids. You know, the one that every other parent side-eyes and says, "Thank God it's not me," or worse, "Shut that brat up!" Leah was told she couldn't have candy, and she LOST IT. Threw herself on the ground, the whole shebang. Yep, I was THAT mom. Awesome.

Fortunately, she fixed her attitude problem relatively quickly, but UGH! She is so dramatic! EVERYTHING is a huge deal to Leah. I can't wait til she's 13.

Then Leah gave me the silent treatment on the way home (I was SO hurt, let me tell you..) and I turned up the radio really loud and Ivy and I sang along at the top of our lungs. I was just glad no one could hear us because it sounded a lot like this:

doo doo duh duh dum de doo dah
doo dee dum dee dummmm
I got the moves like Jagger
I got the moves like Jagger
I got the mooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOOves like Jagger
dah de de dum de dum duh dah dum

etc.

I'm so not hip.

Let's Try This Again!

2011-12-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

I think it's important that every blogger blog with a clear goal in sight, just like a business. A mission statement, really. It is with that in mind that I begin this blog (again) with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication. I fully intend to overtake the likes of MckMama and Pioneer Woman and become the most famous mommy blogger in history.

And if I can't? Well maybe I'll settle for being the worst. Either way, it's a distinction and I'll be happy for it.

I will inflict upon you countless pictures of my children. Perfectly cropped pictures of my messy, disorganized home which will hide the disaster and make moms everywhere wish they could be me. I will go on Oprah and preach my brand of parenting to all you lost moms out there without a clue how to raise your own children. I will write books, which will just be my blog in book form with a few other ghost-written chapters, and then I will laugh LAUGH as I rake in your dollars and eat caviar, while you hungrily wait for me to post another blog update, or feed you attention through a long-awaited comment. My narcissism will know no bounds, and I will be a national spectacle. I will become unglued before your eyes, another victim to celebrity.

Now I feel like I don't need to write my story.. we all already know what happens.

Or maybe I'll just hope for a few followers and count myself lucky if I ever remember to update this thing more than a few times.

Here we go.....